Hello I usually dont post journals but I feel the need to inorder to bring confort to myself. I have several issues that have been tormenting me on the inside.

First off I feel the need to tell my friend James if he ever reads this that Yes I liked Jam but I didn't want to tell anybody because I value our friendship more than anything but in 5th period economics Anthony asked me if there was a girl I liked so I said yes, he had a general idea of who I liked already and unless I told him he would sent her a text message informing her that I liked her. I didn't want to risk loosing a Friend so I just kept it to my self how you found out I dont know. but anyways now that atleast one thing is off my chest lets continue on.

The next issue bothering me is the group of friends I hang out with on xbox live since last year or so I've been feeling that shunt and chaos have been up each others ass and its annoying the fuck out of me. three of us would be in a party when shunt or chaos would ask each other if they would like to play a game even though I'm their and its just pissing me off.

The next two things that are bothering me are very personal. about two years ago I had a Vietnam dream ( I know I wasn't in the war nor was the dream real but that doesn't excuse what I did in it or how it made me feel for what I did in the dreams felt real enough.) but to continue The squad I was in was doing a spec ops mission at night and the helicopter was droping us off at the insertion point. All of us were out of the helicopter and it was taking off again. has it was a rpg came out of no where and hit it causing it to spin out of control and crash out of sight away from our position.

Since the enemy didn't seem to know that we were their we continued on with the mission and a kid saw us and started running away and the sergeant told me to silence him. so being a good soldier I chased after the kid who had to be between the ages of 5-8 and when I caught up to him. I had no choice but to beat him to death with the butt of my M16 rifle. Has I was the kid kept on screaming and upon his screaming I woke up. I wished I could get it out of my head but sadly it wont leave me alone. it just wont. I have some other dreams I need to get out but I'll do that later since its 12:10 AM.

If you took the time to read this and care I thank you so much It means a lot. If you have any problems and need a open ear to listen I'll always have one.